Day 5

Well not much to tell today folks. Got up a little late, turned off my CD player and went back to sleep again... however I have found an alarm clock which might just work. It has a ball on it that is thrown off the clock, the only way to turn off the alarm is to find the ball and place it back on to the clock. sounds like fun to me.

I haven't been out today, I know that I should have. Just been in the garden most of the day, having slight panics.

i got a message today from someone who is going through similar problems but who is younger than me. He mentioned about keeping a diary as being helpful which reminded me, writing letters can be helpful as well.

When my relationship ended about 18 months ago I would write letters directed to my ex, but I wouldn't send them. I found it very useful to vent off feelings that way. I am now thinking of doing the same thing but directed towards panic in itself, viewed as though it is a person. Also as I think some of my social problems are caused by bullying during the last three years of school (all verbal, but not very good for your confidence), so I will direct letters perhaps to those people. I would rather not think about my school days, even writing this on here, I don't want to 'publish' it. But perhaps that's what I need to do. Bullies have a habit of forgetting all about the person they bullied and moving on with there lives, its usually the bullied that are left with the memories.