19 September 2007

Retail therapy

Although the last few days haven't been that good (not feeling 100% and not sleeping very well), there is nothing a bit of retain therapy cant help. My mum got a sales leaflet through the other day. Not only did I find some combat trousers which I wanted at a reduced price I also found the shirt and jeans I'm wearing (yes I know they still have the tags on). Not bad though are they.

Day 31

well another day gone. Still got the sniffles and had another bad nights sleep. But I have had a good bath and a shave and gotten on with some of my studying for my new course.

Its been a month now since I started this blog. So tomorrow i will try and have a good read through and will do a little write up about it, a summary if you like.


In case other people caring for people with anxiety/ agoraphobia etc were reading the last post. I'm not saying that relationships will be the cause for everyone. The cause will be different for each person.

Its not easy coping with someone in my situation, which is where I had a lot of respect for my ex. So if you are looking after someone, then good for you. when your going through a difficult time, its always good to know that you have a partner who you can rely on. that goes for parents too. Although you may think your support gets unnoticed, trust me it doesn't and one day you will be thanked for it.

Day 30

I'm still a little unsettled about last week, so many changes. Saying that though I think they have all helped. I actually felt like going out today, I wasn't worried like I usually am. In fact I went out on my bike, something I haven't done in a while. I really enjoyed it. I didn't go very far but I think it was the first time I had been out on my own without a single worry. Could it have been that being in a relationship caused all this, it did start not long after I began going out with my ex. I feel like I have come to terms with the relationship being gone now, I have all the memories but I cant remember very well what it all felt like (which I'm a bit sad about). Maybe letting go of my ex is the key to all this? However I would need to find out why a relationship caused this (if that is the case).

not feeling all that bright again today. didn't get a good nights sleep last night. I felt fine until the evening. Think I am getting a cold so i will take things easy tomorrow and make sure i wrap up warm, maybe a morning bath will help. Love baths, haven't had one in ages (Ive had showers instead, in case you were wondering). I can sit in a bath for a good hour, I usually take a book but I so often don't read it, just sit back and think.

I feel a bit bad about turning this person down for a relationship at the weekend. They were lovely, hadn't had much luck with relationships and I just hope that they don't feel hurt by it. It would have been wrong for me to have just gone along with it, would have caused more hurt further on. I just hope that someone gives them the chance, its not often you come across such a warm hearted person.

18 September 2007

Days 27, 28 and 29

Sorry! I know I haven't been on here for a few days, really bad of me I know. Well I have quite a bit of good news. I have decided that I'm not ready for a relationship. I don't crave for my ex like I used to and its not that that's holding me back, its myself. I want to do a few things on my own. I want to get out, get a job and get a flat. I want to fill that flat up with my things and do what I want to do for a while. So maybe in a year or two when I have satisfied myself, I might look out for someone then.

I have gained a new friend! He is a radio presenter and the most nicest person that you could ever meet. My situation doesn't bother him at all and I must say its so nice to have the company again. We have met up twice in recent days and he is due round at the weekend. The good thing about friends is that they are not around you all the time, and they are always there when you need them.

I have also gotten a CBT book which was recommended to me by Cathy (whose link I really should put up), and her son. Just started reading through it and i must say that it looks as though it will be good.

I do worry however. Things are starting to go right for a change and i keep finding myself wondering whats going to go wrong.

And thank you for your comments people, I do try to reply to them (under the comments posted). Its good to know that I have support out there. Its also a very good way of getting to know some very interesting people. this blog has opened a new world up to me.

Although I haven't been out much... OK, at all, for the last few days, I have at least begun to retrieve a social life again. It was all very confusing for me at first but me and my new friend seem to be understanding each other more and more. its nice to have met someone who is so patient and who I can actually feel relaxed around.

Bit under the weather at the moment, maybe the start of a cold. So I don't really know what I will do tomorrow, will have to see how I am. Got a lot to do in the garden before autumn sets in, its already getting cold.