15 September 2007

Day 26

What a week. An emotional roller coaster. A challenge. I don't think I can put it all in to words just yet. Everything is still sinking in.

Thank you Aimée for your comment. I cant believe it has almost been a month now. So much has happened in that time and so much has been achieved. A lot still needs to be done.

Is it possible to be in love with two people? Can you love someone who you can't be with yet love another person just as much at the same time?

14 September 2007

Day 25

A very busy day for me. I had to go out with my mum in to town, which went well, walked back by myself with the shopping.

just feeling a bit confused at the moment. Emotions are... well they are just not there. i feel blank like I don't know who I am. Its just really odd. the whole week has been odd though.

Think I just need some time to myself, time to think about what I really want again.

12 September 2007

Day 24

very tired today, was up late last night. On the plus side I did go for a little walk, wasn't a good one though. felt tense and awful all day.

Don't think I can really add anymore to this, just been a plain day.

Day 23

What an odd day. such a mixture of emotions.

finished the front garden which is great and me and my dad might be doing something together at last, the side part of the house, replanting a border. We hardly get time to do things together so I'm looking forward to it.

I think I have also got myself a date for the weekend. This is my first date in 18 months since my relationship ended. I'm looking forward to it, but also I'm nervous. I just hope nothing goes wrong, hope I'm not too anxious. This might sound stupid but in some ways I feel as though I'm cheating on my ex, which I'm not as we are not going out together any more. Its just that I was so in love and never thought I would go out with anyone else. I hope this will pass.

... I am very excited though :)

Also got my new course through today. Creative writing. It looks like fun, also looks hard work. Really am looking forward to it though.

Maybe I wont be single this Christmas?

10 September 2007

Day 22

bit glum today, well this evening. Wont go in to detail as it might just be nothing.

Feel a little lost, out of focus. Like I don't know what I'm heading for anymore. the last few days have just drifted by and I've realised that I've hardly been happy. Hopefully it will pass.

9 September 2007

Days 20 and 21

well yesterday was a busy day. I went to the tip with my dad and quickly in to town. I was very tense with it all. really didn't like being in town, lot of angry young drivers around.

Ordered a few books including CBT for dummies which was highly recommended to me. Cant wait to have a read through that. I'm finding it so difficult to be around people, even talking to them online. As much as I don't want to be anxious all the time, I don't want to be on my own either. I cant avoid people (however much I might want to).

I spent today in the garden. I like to be in the garden, well most of the time I do. I don't like being in the front garden in case I meet anyone, how stupid does that sound?

I'm already struggling. I haven't stopped going out, I'm just finding it more and more difficult. The more people that are around me, the more I want to run.