23 August 2007

Day 4

A very weird day today. Mood swings I think.

I was up late. I thought that my alarm hadn't gone off but it had, must have turned it off without realising it.

Well the sun was out again so I spent a lot of the day in the garden. Also had to do lunch for me and mum today and the dinner, as my mum has started getting problems with her back again. So will probably have to help out some more over the next few weeks.

I did go out today. Walked with my bike, changed the route slightly. Each day I have kept a record of how anxious I have felt when out and its been going up, don't know if that's a good thing or not. It will probably go up before it goes down I expect.

What really got to me today was seeing a group of about 4 teenagers on the other side of the road. Just hearing them and knowing that they were there made me feel bad. I wanted to hide so much I didn't realise I had actually started walking in to the bushes next to the pavement. They weren't doing anything wrong, I think they just reminded me of school. I didn't get on with a lot of people at my last school, I was an easy target.

4 comments:

Cathy said...

John, when you get anxious because you see people on the street, just try questioning why you are feeling that anxiety. Why would those teenagers want to harm you? You are older than them, they probably don't even know you, you were not bothering them. They were probably not even aware of you as they were out enjoying themselves.

I know it is hard but do constantly challenge your intrusive thoughts like that. Have you had any Cognitive Behavioural Therapy or read any books on it?

Keep up the good work!

john said...

Hi cathy, I have seen someone for it, I dont know if it was CBT or not, probabily not. He just kept telling me to go out each day, that was it really. It took me two and a half years just to get that.

I dont think I have any books on it, can you recommend any?

Fizzgig said...

Hi, hope you don't mind me responding but a very good CBT book is "Mind over Mood" by Dennis Greenberger and Christine A. Padesky. You just work through the exercises within it and it is used by a lot of CBT therapists. I think its available through amazon and places like that. And well done for making positive steps forward.

john said...

thankyou fizzgig. I will look that up on the net. sounds useful.